Saturday, December 29, 2007

Math

Delaney is trying to learn some Math. She was watching Math Circus by Leap Frog and when it was over she asked me "What does 1 and 1 make?" I tried to get her to tell me by asking her and her answer... "1 and 1 make 11!" Well... I guess she's sort of right...

Thursday, December 20, 2007

All I want for Christmas is a healthy family!

At the beginning of last week, Cadence came down with a bad cold. Just 1 week after starting daycare, so it was sort of expected. By the end of last week, she had pretty much lost her voice and you couldn't even hear her when she cried.

I took her into the Dr. on Thur and sure enough, she had croup. So we had to give her breathing treatments on the nebulizer before bed each night. By this time, Delaney was fighting off the same bad cold and had a sore throat. Between the 2 of them not sleeping well, Virgil and I were getting very little sleep.

Once Friday rolled around, I was thinking the weekend would help us to recover, but it didn't. By the end of the weekend, Delaney was fine, but Cadence was still sick and Virgil and I had come down with the bad cold. Our lack of sleep has made it even harder for us to fight it off too.

We finally were able to send Cadence back to daycare on Tuesday... sigh... what a relief. Until... I got a call from Delaney's school at 4pm that she had just thrown up. So I left work early and headed for her school and called Virgil to have him pick up Cadence so I could get Delaney straight home. By the time I got there, she had thrown up again and she was sitting in a chair in the restroom hovering over the toilet crying. I tried to cuddle her to make her feel better, but also had to get her into her carseat so I could get her home. So I buckled her up, handed her a plastic bag in case she had to throw up again, and headed home. She didn't make it home... she threw up all over the car. Not a drop in the plastic bag... sigh... It took me over an hour to clean it up in the pouring rain. I had to take her carseat completely apart and get it all cleaned up too. Did I mention how exhausted I was by this time?

So Tues night, we didn't get much sleep... Along comes Wed morning. Both girls wake up with fevers. We already knew Virgil would have to stay home with Delaney, but now Cadence had to stay home too. Thank goodness, by the end of the day, their fevers were gone and Delaney was back to herself. Cadence was still fighting the cold.

So now it's Thur, and Cadence has her 6 mo. check up. I take her in, returning the nebulizer, and her weight has dropped and she's got a double ear infection. My poor baby... she's been through so much!

At this point, with just 5 days til Christmas, all I really want for Christmas is for my family to not be sick and to get a decent nights sleep again! Did I mention that I'm exhausted?

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Brefkist

Delaney can not say the word Breakfast. In the morning she asks for Brefkist. This morning I even tried to get her to say it correctly:

Me: Delaney it's Breakfast
Delaney: Brefkist
Me: Say Break
Delaney: Break
Me: Fast
Delaney: Fast
Me: Breakfast
Delaney: Brefkist

Of course I started laughing and Virgil started laughing and before you know it, all 3 of us were laughing. Then Delaney said "Mommy, I want Brefkist" I guess that's just the way she's going to say it... lol

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Back to the Workforce!

I started interviewing a few weeks ago to return to the workforce. Today I got an offer from Republic Indemnity and I accepted! I was offered more than I was expecting, so it truely is a blessing. It's fairly close to home, which is hard to come by around here, so that's a plus.

I'm sad that I have to leave Cadence, but I know I'll be fine. I did it with Delaney, and it's just something I have to do.

Virgil will be taking the State Paid Family Leave 2 days a week and a friend of our from church will be watching Cadence the other 3 days until we can find a permanent situation. I'll probably start looking for one next week, but I also want to spend that last week with Cadence and Delaney to just enjoy the time I have with them.

I'm excited that I have a job and one that I will like. We won't have that negative budget that has been shrinking our savings account for the past 7 months! It's just bittersweet since I have to be away from Cadence.

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for us! We couldn't have made it this far without God's help!!!

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

I'm a Scientist

Have you ever heard the term: "Kids say the darndest things?" If you haven't, you've been living under a rock somewhere. Anyway, my kid is one of those many ones that will just crack us up every so often with the things she says.

Delaney was drawing on her Aquadoodle. She was drawing people and said it was her, Daddy, Mommy, and Cadence. Virgil came into the room and said "Oh Wow, Delaney! You're an Artist!"

She replied: "No I'm not! I'm a Scientist!"

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Conversations with a 2 month old

In the midst of my exhaustion and never ending chores of being a mother of two, it's amazing to me how much it warms my heart to coo back and forth with a baby. Hearing that little voice form pitches and gurgles as she experiments with the sounds she can make and smile at me is just what I need at the end of a long day.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Family of Four

It's official! We are now a family of 4! Cadence Marie arrived Monday, June 18th in a timely manner at 12:21pm. I didn't even skip a meal. I ate breakfast at home that morning and had lunch shortly after she arrived. She weighed 7lbs 7oz. and was 19 1/2 in. long.

I thought I had felt the worst pain known to main when I had Delaney. The 45 min. from the time they broke my water until I got my epidural was excruciating, but it was nothing compared to the pain I felt when I had to hold Cadence in for 15 min. waiting for the Dr. to arrive. Once she got there, I had pushed her out in just one contraction!

She's just as beautiful as Delaney and looks just like her. I hope to have pictures up on our family website soon (http://www.palitang.net), but I'm sure everyone knows my hands are pretty full and sleep takes priority over uploading pictures.

We're all adjusting pretty well so far, but I just know that it's going to get harder. I want to thank everyone who was praying for us and ask for your continued prayers that the adjustment continues down this smooth path. Thank you and good night ;)

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Where did my baby go?

Just under 3 yrs ago, I brought home this beautiful helpless baby girl from the hospital. She was sweet and cuddly and depending on us so for everything. All she did was eat, sleep, poop, and cry.

I'm pretty sure aliens have come down and replaced that adorable helpless little baby with this full grown Diva that is now residing in my house. She has come complete with temper tantrums, sassiness, independence, and a love for fashion that the tomboy in me will never understand.

Yes, she is cute as can be when she wants to be, but boy, does she know how to push my buttons. It seems she's throwing a tantrum for everything these days... I took her nightgown off, I put her pretzels in a bowl instead of a plate, I wouldn't get her a band-aid for a bruise she's had for 3 days... is there anything that doesn't upset her? hmmmm... cupcakes?

There seems to also be this little grown up inside of her. She amazes me with the way she talks: "It's cold in this house", "I don't want chicken for dinner, can I have peanut butter sandwich please?" or when she comes into the bedroom first thing in the morning "Hey guys, let's go in the living room." Whatever happened to "Good morning?" Or how about the time that Virgil found her in the corner pouting and he asked her what was wrong and she said "I'm mad at Mommy" and when he asked why, the response was "Because... well... humph..." because she knew if she told him the true answer, he'd just tell her she was being a bad girl.

Of course, there are always those oh so precious moments, like today, we were at Costco and as I'm pushing the cart with her in it through the aisles she's just happily singing "Jesus loves me, this I know..." She didn't miss a word of the song and she got plenty of looks from other customers. You know, those "oh, she's so cute" looks that a mother beams about. I just wish she'd be that cute all the time, but I guess we have to enjoy the good moments when we can!

Time to focus on preparing to find work in the Fall...

I've been working closely with a recruiter to get an interview with what feels like the perfect position for me. It's close to home, it's what I want to do, and the environment seems like a great one. Complications with unethical recruiters has made it tough to get an interview, but I was finally able to get a phone interview yesterday.

I feel like the interview went really well and there was mention of the possibility of an in-person interview at the end of it.

Well, I got a call today from the recruiter, and I can't say I'm surprised by the outcome, but I'm disappointed. The hiring manager really liked me and he says he can see a great benefit in a long term fit with me in the company. But my technical skills just aren't quit up to par to be able to jump in and work for 2 months without them having to take some time and effort to train me and get me up to speed with their environment first. By the time 2 mo. is up, I'll be on leave and then have to start over when I got back, so it's just not worth it to bring in until Fall.

The good news is that if I didn't need the few months off, I probably would have this position, which gives me hope that I could find something in the fall. But I really felt like this was a good fit for me and I'm sad to have to move on from it. There is a small chance that if they don't fill the position by Sept/Oct, they'll reconsider me as a candidate, but that's such a long way off. Although they have had the position open for 4 mo.

I guess with just 2 mo. of working time to go, there isn't much hope of finding something now. I miss working and having the mental challenge of being a Programmer. I've decided to spend my time more focused on keeping my skills up to par and learning new things by working on some personal projects at home before the baby comes. Maybe that will help me feel like I'm accomplishing something and will help me be prepared again in the fall.

The timing of this whole situation is just bad all around and I feel completely helpless to be able to do anything about it. The next 2-3 mo. before the baby comes are going to be the hardest I think, but I have to push through it and try my best to focus on learning the technologies that are in demand during those times that Delaney is in school.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

I CAN get disability!

For some reason I was under the impression that you had to actually be working in order to qualify for disability and the paid family leave through state. But just this weekend, I've had 2 people tell me otherwise.

We just got home from a church lunch banquet and I was talking with a friend and she told me she was laid-off when she was 7 mo. pregnant. She started out on unemployment then 4 wks before her due date, she switched to disability. After her disability ended, she switched to the 6wks of paid family leave and then went back on unemployment after that.

Although it is unfortunate that this has had to happen to both of us, it is a big relief to know that someone has been there and done that before me and I WILL get the disability and paid family leave.

Paid Family Leave pays more than unemployment and disability pays even more than that. So not only will we be getting more money to help out, but it will extend the life of unemployment. You can only qualify for 26 wks (6 mo.) of unemployment in a given year. So if I'm getting disability 4 wks before and 6 wks after then paid family leave for 6 wks after that, then that would be 16 weeks of unemployment I'm not getting and extend the life of unemployment even further. It would've run out when the baby is 2 mo. old otherwise and there isn't much room to find work. So 4 more months will give me plenty of time to try and find work.

Yes, we still have a negative budget and it's still tough. But things are definitely looking up!

Maybe this truly is a blessing in disguise! Not only do I get to attempt to enjoy time at home and time with Delaney before the baby comes, but I'm also forced to find a new challenge. Although I loved my job, I think I was beginning to get bored as I hadn't seen any new challenges in a while. Maybe there is something out there for me that is more challenging and will make me love going to work everyday... toward the end of the year ;)

Monday, March 19, 2007

My first interview in 8 yrs

I had an interview this morning. My first in 8 yrs. It was for a company that seemed like a not so good commute, so I took the interview more for practice and to get that "First Interview" out of the way.

Well... I really liked the company and the commute wasn't too bad. 30 min. and the traffic flowed. I can handle that...

Unfortunately, I think I sucked! I don't think I conveyed my technical knowledge very well and pretty much blew it.

I did get some feedback at the end. They told me that I communicate well and I'm very intelligent and I present myself well, but that my technical abilities come across more as a Jr. Programmer... sigh...

Guess it's time to move on to the next one... whenever that may be?

Friday, March 9, 2007

Recruiters in India

They're driving me crazy! I can't believe this country has outsourced RECRUITING... what has this world come to?

I get these recruiters that are in India calling me that I have a hard enough time understanding them as it is. I don't feel like they could possibily find work for me when I can't even understand them or convey the message of my situation.

To top it off... they call asking "Would you be interested in a job in Dallas, TX?" Ummmmm.... What part of "Greater Los Angeles Area" did you NOT understand on my Dice.com profile.

They're driving me crazy! I want to work with people in my area that know my area and have relationships with the companies that are hiring... not some random dude on the other side of the world who doesn't even know where I am or what I'm looking for!

Wednesday, March 7, 2007

The Ups and Downs of Job Hunting

So I posted my resume out there for the recruiters to devour on Monday... My phone rings, my email dings, but I'm not hearing the kaching.

Here's just one example of what I've been dealing with:

I heard about the "perfect" position for me yesterday. It's local and I have all the skills and it happens to be in insurance and it sounds like a company I would love to work for. I'm very much showing, so I had to be up front and honest that I'll need time off in the summer. The 15 min. phone interview went great and the recruiter told me that I'm pretty much perfect for the position, with the exception of needing the time off in the summer. He said he would talk with the company and see what they say...

Well... I got a call this morning. Sorry... but they don't want someone who isn't going to be around... Am I surprised? Of course not! This is exactly what I expected to happen and why this whole situation was so devasting to begin with. I'm sure I'm going to be hearing a lot of this in the near future. All I can do is push on... sigh

Prayer works!

I've had a LOT of people praying for us this past week. Our biggest concern and prayer was just how we were going to get by on what we have until after the baby comes if I can't find work before hand.

Virgil had mentioned to his boss last week about what happened and that he was going to have to look for part-time work in addition to what he was doing in order to bring in some extra money to get by. Although nothing has come up in the area of part-time work, Virgil's boss talked with the owner of the company and they gave him a much overdue raise! After 7 yrs and getting his Masters in there as well, he had never received a raise and the company in general doesn't do raises. But he has truly earned it and I'm just thrilled for him.

Now, this isn't enough to get our budget out of the negative, even WITH deferring student loans and Delaney in school part-time instead of full-time, but... it does extend the life of the severance pay to the point that the money may run out, but if we live tight enough to our budget, we will get to Oct (if not further) which is the point where I would start aggressively looking for work again.

I truly believe that this is the work of prayer from so many people and our faithfulness.

I am still looking for work before the baby comes. I wouldn't want to just sit around and do nothing until Oct. There may really be something out there for me. Rather it's a full-time position where I am able to take off the time needed, or a short term contract to bring in some extra income until the baby comes. Besides, I haven't interviewed in 8 yrs and could really use the practice. I'm also spending some time studying and I'm going to do a little project to keep my skills fresh.

Life has been turned upside down, but there is light at the end of the tunnel and I'm just hoping and praying that the right job for me is out there and I can be placed in it at the right time. Rather that be sooner or later...

Friday, March 2, 2007

My big helper

This morning, I was folding Delaney's laundry in her room and putting it away. She came in to see what I was doing, so I gave her all the socks and told her to find matches and bring them to me. I was not only surprised that she matched them, but also at how fast she matched them all up. Then the phone rang...

So I went to go get it and it was a recruiter so I was on the phone for a few minutes, but when I got off the phone, I went back into the bedroom to finish Delaney's laundry and she had laid out ALL the clothes and sorted them by outfits, pjs, and stuff all over her bedroom floor!

I'm soooo proud of her and really needed that!

I'm not cut out for this...

It's not even 10am on my first full day home with Delaney and I'm already fed up! She's spilled twice, whined because her bagel was all gone, threw a fit because Mickey Mouse Clubhouse wasn't on the tv, Had a potty accident on the living room floor, whined that she wants her Daddy even though he's at work, and generally isn't listening to a thing I say to her.

How does anyone do this job they call Stay at Home Mom? Did I mention that I had horrible post partum depression after having Delaney that suddenly went away very shortly after returning to work?

Thursday, March 1, 2007

SMACK!!!

Just when I was starting to feel better... SMACK! I'm slaped up the side of the head by the reality of our wonderful government. Turns out my severance pay will be taxed at a rate of about 42%. That is not NEARLY enough money to get us through until after the baby arrives. Even after cutting out almost everything in our lives.

I guess I do have more tears to bear... I think about Job and wonder how he made it through everything he was put through. How did he make it? I know the answer... he relied on God. I'm still praying desperately that God will give us the answer we need to make it through and yet, I just keep getting more bad news. When will God speak to me to tell me what the answer is? Is he trying to get through to me already? What is it that is blocking his message from getting to me? Please Lord... give me the comfort...

So exhausted

The fatigue is really setting in and I'm having a hard time functioning. Yesterday I woke up feeling a bit better, but this morning, I just feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I'm so exhausted at the end of the day that I can't even keep my eyes open and I crash hard. I sleep good for about 2 hours and then I wake up and my mind starts racing all over again and I just toss and turn until the sound of Delaney's little foot steps running into my bedroom in the morning force me to get up and face, yet, another day.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Thank you and a "slightly" brighter outlook

12 hours ago I was overwhelmed with feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness and feeling like a failure... I do still feel that... but...

Now, I'm feeling overwhelmed with all the support and love and prayers I have received since getting up this morning.

It's been an interesting day to say the least. This morning was very tough when I dropped of Delaney at school and she clung to me for dear life. She never does that. She usually runs off and hardly says good-bye to me, but she could feel something wasn't right. It was so hard to leave her like that knowing that I didn't "need" to, but really... I did! I needed today to get my own barrings.

I spent the early part of this afternoon shamelessly curled up on the living room floor sobbing uncontrollably. I've been fighting back the tears, trying to be strong... but I really just needed to get it out and I needed to do it alone. It suddenly seems easier to talk about it without crying uncontrollably. Although the tears are still coming, they're not as bad as before.

I've been living my life 5, 10, 20 yrs in advance for so long and suddenly I have to live day to day and not sure how to do it.

One step at a time... and many of your prayers. I know that everything will be fine in the end. I know one day I'm going to look back at this and Thank God for the blessing of slamming the door behind me to discover all the doors he has had open for me for so long that I just didn't notice until I had no other option.

Sure, I'm still feeling pretty worthless and mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted... but I'm trying to remember the good things that have already come... we've decided to leave Delaney in school 3 days part-time in school through March so I can focus on what to do and not disturb her routine too much. I'm going to get to spend 2 days a week alone with her before the baby comes. I would never have had that opportunity if this hadn't happened. Or at least, that's what I keep trying to remind myself about to make myself really see the good side.

It'd be nice to find something to help with the finances... but if not... there IS something good on the other side.

Now if I can just remember that!

Here Comes the Rain

I'm sitting at my computer at 3:19am and listening to the rain coming down. My almost 3 yr old is sound asleep after a bought with a nightmare a few hours ago and my husband sleeping (although probably restlessly). This should be a very joyous time in my life with a 2nd baby girl due to arrive in just 17 weeks. However, I sit here... all cried out and not knowing what lies ahead.

I loved my job... up until 12 hours ago, when I was told that my position no longer existed and I became the casualty of a Mass Layoff. "No big deal", you say? Sure, for someone who can just run out and find another job. But really... who is going to hire someone that walks into the interview 5 months pregnant. Sure, I got severance of 9 weeks. But that is only going to get me to just under 2 months of my due date. If we cut corners, maybe I can get it out further... Maybe if I pull my daughter from her beloved preschool... Maybe if we sell some stuff around the house... Maybe if we just stop the construction going on around the house and leave our house as a construction site for the next 10 months until I'm capable of finding work... Maybe if...

All this is running through my mind and my over exhausted body is begging for sleep, yet my mind is racing. That is the reason why I finally decided to start "My Blog" that I created so long ago. It's funny how some things get you moving... I just wish I knew the answer to this huge problem. How are we going to make ends meet?

It's not fair to the preschooler who loves her school and classmates and has to be cut down to just 2 half days a week. Hardly a quarter of the time she used to spend there. And what about her tumbling class, that she talks all week about, that she will have to give up. Will she ever understand why this has been taken away from her and shortly after be devastated with a baby sister that will take most of Mommy and Daddy's attention away from her?

I just have to ask myself... could this have happened at a worse time? I'm sure there are worse things out there, but this total feeling of helplessness and hopelessness is too much for me to bare right now to even consider what else could go wrong.

I've prayed more in the past 12 hours than I have before and yet, I still don't feel the comfort that everything will be OK, even though I know this is all in God's great plan. He has something better for me. But it is these trials that he really uses to test us and make us stronger human beings... I learned this recently in my newly found Care Group, but at the time, I was praising and thanking God for blessing my life so abundantly at the time. I know he must think I'm strong enough to move forward, but I just don't know where to find the strength and courage to do so... I guess I'll go to bed now and attempt to get a few hours of sleep before daylight tortures me with the reality of applying for Unemployment and updating, or should I say, creating, my resume in hopes that I can find a 3 month contracting position, or maybe find a job that can overlook the fact that I will be out for so long. Only God knows...