Thank you and a "slightly" brighter outlook

12 hours ago I was overwhelmed with feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness and feeling like a failure... I do still feel that... but...

Now, I'm feeling overwhelmed with all the support and love and prayers I have received since getting up this morning.

It's been an interesting day to say the least. This morning was very tough when I dropped of Delaney at school and she clung to me for dear life. She never does that. She usually runs off and hardly says good-bye to me, but she could feel something wasn't right. It was so hard to leave her like that knowing that I didn't "need" to, but really... I did! I needed today to get my own barrings.

I spent the early part of this afternoon shamelessly curled up on the living room floor sobbing uncontrollably. I've been fighting back the tears, trying to be strong... but I really just needed to get it out and I needed to do it alone. It suddenly seems easier to talk about it without crying uncontrollably. Although the tears are still coming, they're not as bad as before.

I've been living my life 5, 10, 20 yrs in advance for so long and suddenly I have to live day to day and not sure how to do it.

One step at a time... and many of your prayers. I know that everything will be fine in the end. I know one day I'm going to look back at this and Thank God for the blessing of slamming the door behind me to discover all the doors he has had open for me for so long that I just didn't notice until I had no other option.

Sure, I'm still feeling pretty worthless and mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted... but I'm trying to remember the good things that have already come... we've decided to leave Delaney in school 3 days part-time in school through March so I can focus on what to do and not disturb her routine too much. I'm going to get to spend 2 days a week alone with her before the baby comes. I would never have had that opportunity if this hadn't happened. Or at least, that's what I keep trying to remind myself about to make myself really see the good side.

It'd be nice to find something to help with the finances... but if not... there IS something good on the other side.

Now if I can just remember that!